It was October. I don't remember the exact day, or what the weather was like. I don't recall what I was wearing, or what I had to eat. I only remember how I felt. Defeated. We both were. I knew it was over.
In a week I would leave for a trip. The cards were on the proverbial table and I wanted a decision. "Do you want a divorce?" I had grown tired of his cowardly responses. "I don't know" just wasn't good enough anymore.
My trip took me over 1600 miles away, to a place I had never been. Los Angeles. I found myself surrounded by confident and creative people who were following their dreams. I found myself in beautiful surroundings watching glorious sunsets. I found myself liberated and passionate. I found a glimpse of myself, my true self.
It was only 5 days, but during that time I faced my reality. My marriage was over. And as I stood on that beach, on my last day in California, I said to myself..."Don't forget how you feel right now...as hard as it gets, as lonely as you feel, as sad as you are...remember this moment." I wrote in the sand, I MISS YOU. I thought it was a message to my husband. Little did I know then, it was a message to myself.
And as I got on the plane to come home, I knew what was coming. I just never knew where it would take me.
